dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
