My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
