there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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