I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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