my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she pinky promised me she was 18
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
