yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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