I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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