i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
