your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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