Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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