Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
