WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
