I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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