And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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