I think my fart just growled at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had sex on a roof
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
