i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
