yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
