Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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