If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
