So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
