He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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