Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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