then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
