My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
