So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
