I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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