do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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