So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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