i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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