i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
