I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
