What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
