well you can't waste a boner
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
