Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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