I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
