Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
