do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
