$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
