Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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