so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
