you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
