I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
