I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
