Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
