never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
