some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
