We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
