when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
