i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
