just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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