but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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